Monday, 15 December 2014


Dear readers, of which, amazingly, despite my massive absence, there seem to still be many, which leaves me flattered and grateful.

I've had a bad couple of months, which have involved burying best friends, poorly relatives and being unwell myself, as well as work, i've been a hot mess, literally, minus the hot.

I have however got reviews pulsating in my brain waiting to burst out like a fountain of judgemental diamonds. Probably.


Monday, 20 October 2014

PERSONAL HOLY GRAIL PRODUCTS: Christian Dior DiorShow Maximizer Lash Plumping Serum


Due to being such a crazy obsessive product addict, there are few things that I use up, and even less that I repurchase, so if I actually do get to the point that I use something up before its sell by date, or before, it's a big day in this household, and i'll sit down and eat a chocolate mousse to celebrate. 


This product, the Diorshow lash plumping serum, is something that I have bought nearly a dozen times since it appeared on the market. As a teenager I was always desperate for lovely lashes like my friends seemed to be naturally blessed with, and improvised with clear mascara and powdering lashes, which, although slightly helpful, didn't really cut it, and once the grunge era was over, my cloggy lashes just looked a bit shit. Sad times. Anyway, I first started using lash primer when I got a free sample of a Lancome Cils Booster and fell in love with the results, which were, predictably, boosted lashes. However, this girl wanted to go bigger and better. Size DOES matter, WHO KNEW! So I decided, when purchasing my then favourite Diorshow Blackout mascara, which really is quite something when it comes to defining lashes as blacker than night, I decided to be 'upsold' the primer too, and my GAWD I was glad I did.

From the first moment I was in lust with this white shiny guy. I layer two coats of this thick white gloop on, which not only is filled with small fibers to plump my spindly pathetic lashes up, but also conditions, and apparently contains an ingredient called LashMaximiser (tm), heh, which is frankly a ridiculously bland name to make up frankly, and trust old hyaluronic acid, to moisturise and prevent breakage and brittle falling lashes.

My lashes have definitely got better over the years of using this, although they're not longer, but they are stronger, and the effects of two coats of this, left to dry, before applying whatever my current mascara favourite of the month is, results in pretty spectacular lashes in comparison to my normal pathetic smattering of stubby eye hairs. 

So, I heartily recommend if you're without natural lashes, and cannot be arsed to apply serums morning and night that might turn your eyeballs yellow, go and purchase this rather pricey, but super worth it primer.

It's fantastique! 

You can pick this up from Boots, Debenhams, House of Fraser and John Lewis for approximately £24.50

Sunday, 14 September 2014

REVIEW: Hourglass Veil Mineral Primer

Hourglass Veil Mineral Primer

As a girl with long wear foundation needs, very oily skin, and uneven skintone, who doesn't enjoy the idea of wearing super matte foundations, I was an early adopter of the use of primers. I see many people going on about how unnecessary they are, and I cannot speak for other people, but without a primer, my make up swims around my face within a couple of hours, powder or no powder. Therefore i've tried and tested A LOT of primers over the past 15 or so years. When this product was brought to market a few years ago, with it's ridiculously high price tag, I was obsessed with owning it, and one day, whilst feeling fruity and wanting to reassure that ladies in Liberty that despite my scruffy appearance, I did actually deserve to be in there and I COULD afford stuff (read: I couldn't afford stuff, but like to look like I can, DAMN THEIR PRETTY GLOWING FACES) so I bought this, and my god I am glad I ruddy did.

They say this.....

A mineral-based, water-resistant primer with SPF 15 that creates an impossibly smooth canvas and seamless look.
Veil eliminates redness, minimizes pore size, softens fine lines and creates a uniform canvas for a flawless makeup application. This clean, satin-finish formula helps keep makeup looking fresh and prevents fading, while SPF 15 shields the skin from the sun.

I say this.... 

They tell no lies, every single word of that blurb is absolutely true. The texture of this white potion is extremely light, and it soaks into your skin immediately, shrinking your pores right down, taking down redness, evening tone and leaving you with a smooth base with plenty of slip to apply make up over. The most ingenius thing is the fact that not only is it water resistant, but it also makes whatever product you place on top water resistant too, which is great for hot weather or gigs or clubbing etc. I cannot say enough good about it, especially it's oil control. The downside, inevitably, is the price. At £52 per bottle, it's not a purchase you can lightly step into, and due to this, I only wear this for gigs I play, or long days at festivals or going somewhere special, otherwise the thought of the amount i'd have to spend to keep replacing this is panic inducing.

I highly HIGHLY recommend you pick this up, and if you're scared of the outlay, there is a mini 20ml version available at a more accessible price of £20.

Holy grail y'all.

If you want to purchase this you can get the mini version here from Liberty london, and the standard size here from Space NK for £52.

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

PERSONAL POST: Being a girl....

I am a rubbish girl. I know i'm not the only one, because I have awesome friends who are also rubbish girls, but if i'm honest, when i'm around women, I always feel inadequate in the extreme. I had a rather tumultuous upbringing, where stuff such as learning about shaving, eyebrows, boobs and periods weren't particularly on the agenda, I was lucky if I had a bed to sleep in, so I had to wing it as far as learning how to be a lady goes....

So these are things i've currently never ever done

  • Waxed anything - Seriously, nothing, ever, I have seen it on tv and it looks painful though.
  • Had a manicure  - When my nails get too long I just rip them off, rank I know.
  • Had a pedicure - Surely life is too short and money too sparse to waste on that...
  • My bikini line - it doesn't poke out my tiniest of pants, and I can't swim so, I don't bother.
  • Spray Tan - I have tried cheap gradual tans. I'm crap at them. Crap. 
  • Sunbed - When vanity carries a danger of skin cancer, you really need to sort your shit out.
  • Massage - I did have one once for free. I felt too awkward to relax because I was worried for the poor person having to touch a person they didn't know for money. Yes I have issues. 
  • Facial - I had one once, again, I felt guilty of the time being spent on me, and it gave me tons of spots.
  • Used tampons - I know! I used one once and passed out, at 13, so never touched them again.
  • Matching underwear - I have never bought a set, and only recently did I buy a vaguely fancy bra. Some of my knickers i've had since 96 at least. I just don't have that part to me that feels that I have to wear fancy pants, makes me feel like a beef joint wrapped in string. 

So there's my list. That is how crap I am. I can't be alone surely. My mates tell me tales of unshaved legs, hairs on boobs they don't bother getting rid of, farting during it's not just me that is crap at being a woman, but....I look out, wide eyed and scared at the world, and I feel like an alien against all other women.

I hope it's not just me.....there must be others! 


I am a massive sucker for a clever marketing campaign, and when I heard that YSL were releasing a lightweight, yet high coverage foundation, that had the lasting power of Estee Lauder Doublewear, yet the lightness of Giorgio Armani Maestro foundation, and that there was some mythical crazy waiting list for this stuff, I was obsessed. Like I always am. First up, let me say, whatever waiting list the marketing guys talked about, there was zero wait for this in my part of london. I actually got it early, and no one else had bought it, or was on any sort of list. As Public Enemy say, don't believe the hype. Not calling YSL liars of course, but there's some damn creative marketing talk at work here!

YSL Fusion Ink Foundation - BR20

So what else do they say about this foundation that makes it such a jizz-worthy marketing talk dreamboat....

What it is:
A revolutionary, fine-as-ink foundation with broad spectrum SPF 18 that perfects the skin while it wears weightlessly for 24 hours. 

What it does:
Get all-day comfort, broad spectrum sun protection, and a soft-matte finish with this featherweight foundation that suits every skin type. Its innovative hybrid stain technology provides a lightweight yet high-coverage formula, and its exclusive extendable polymers offer buildable coverage that lasts for a flawless finish. 

Special sweat and sebum-controlling agents allow for 24-hour of coverage—even through humidity or heat, and its sensorial and volatile dry oil complex allows it to set in seconds. Formulated with pure-micro-coated pigments, it delivers lasting, radiant color, and the face-zoning applicator allows you to perfectly apply it to the face for precise, easy-to-use application that’s never cakey or heavy.

So what do I say....'s the thing. When I was testing this, I had one other foundation in mind, in regards to the claims made by this foundation, and that was Estee Lauder Doublewear. The reason is, Doublewear is used by thousands of women as their holy grail. Personally I dislike it hugely, as the finish is somewhere close to corpse paint, totally flat, lacking in dimension, and just....unreal. Saying that, it's a fantastic formula, as this foundation has taken me through dj gigs and sweaty concerts and festivals from morning till night, and it sticks like glue and you can rely on it like no other foundation that claims to be lasting. Swings and to speak.

So does YSL Fusion Ink match up longevity wise. No, it doesn't, it will rub off, there will be elements of wear that become apparent as your day goes on, because ultimately, the two foundations are hugely different beasts.

Fusion Ink is a lovely foundation, but it's not a substitute for the major coverage and longevity of Doublewear, so don't expect the same. It is a very thin formula, and it dries in seconds, but provides a very decent level of coverage in one layer. If you need more coverage in places, just dab the wand over those areas and work the foundation in using a buffing brush in circular motions. I have tried with and without primer and I would say, if you are oily like me, you do need to use primer, because it keeps off the shine that does eventually break through, and will, if you rub your nose or blow it, transfer and wear off. However, if you get caught in a shower or sweat, and don't rub your face, this stuff stays put quite wonderfully, and unlike doublewear, you have a velvety matte finish that has an ethereal glow, blurs imperfections quite successfully and does last, even if you might need a little touch up with powder towards the end of the day.

So, it's good, it's great, but it's not perfect and it's not infallible, but what it does bring is a very decent coverage, a light as air feel, and a beautiful matte finish that lasts longer than your average matte foundation. I recommend you take advantage of their seven day free trial to see whether you like it or not, given that it's an expensive item at £30, you want to know you're not just doing what I do, which is get blinded by the flashing lights of 'NEW ITEM!!! BEST THING EVER!!! YOU WILL LOOK LIKE CARA IN MINUTES!!!' then go home and cry yourself to sleep because you can't pay your rent.

This does happen. Every month. I rule.

YSL Fusion Ink Foundation - BR 20 - Swatch and blended

So there it is on my arm. Yes the photos is blurry and crappy, but you don't come here for my obsessive efforts at being the worlds best blogger i'd wager. I like to think of myself as the John Bender of the blogging world, as in, I pretend I don't care, but I obviously do, but that still doesn't mean I give a toss enough to buy a camera. 

The Breakfast Club - Bender = AMAZE

You will notice in the swatch, btw, that BR20, which is the palest of all the Beige Rose shades, is a bit dark. I tried B10, and looked alarmingly yellow, whereas Beige Rose, is less yellow, but leans A LOT more yellow than my YSL Teint Touch Eclat foundation, which is a perfect match, but crap on my skin. Honestly, total crap, I look like i've been rubbing sunflower oil on my face. Nil points! This though, it does a pretty great job, and although it won't fix a broken heart, it goes some way to making you look less you've been crying all night....


If you'd like to be part of the YSL Fusion Ink party, you can pick it up direct from YSL here , or House of Fraser, Boots or Debenhams for £30.50.

Sunday, 31 August 2014

REVIEW: Pretty Zombie Cosmetics liquid lipstick - 3 Witches


So, if youv'e followed this blog at all you'll know i'm a big fan of the whole stupidly coloured matte liquid lipstick that lasts aaaaages, so when I heard of Pretty Zombie Cosmetics, as i've detailed in my review of Blue Moon, I was very much sold on the idea of these lipsticks and owning the entire range. This is the second one i've got hold of, and god bless it's purple bum. I LOVE IT.

Pretty Zombie Liquid Lipstick - 3 Witches

The other side, cause it's cool etc....

So, it doesn't claim to be smudge or budgeproof, but let me tell you, it's basically holds up just as well as the Stila Stay All Day range, which for the price point, although not bargain basement, you can't moan at too much. I love the shade, it's a cool, dark, vibrant purple. It goes on light and very liquidy, much like the Lime Crime Velvetines, and then dries to a completely opaque, in one swipe, rich colour and it's completely matte, which oddly, many matte lipsticks don't deliver on. 

Saying that, it doesn't last ALL night, and if you go on a snogging session, you're going to end up with a smudgy purple face. Also, it's really tough to remove and it does stain, so the day after you wear this, you either have to expect to have a smattering of discoloured dots on your lips, to wear a super opaque shade on top, or to exfoliate your lips to soreness. It really sticks. REALLY STICKS.

3 Witches - Swatch. 

I have tested this to buggery, and when I test, I put it on, I go out, I dj, drink, kiss cheeks, eat unwise foods in all night restaurants and never have time to reapply. The result at the end of the night will always be an honest one, and I will say, this NEEDS re application, it will not stand up a horribly tough night, but honestly, very very few will, and this doesn't claim to last, so you can't complain really. By the end it will have worn off around the edges and have flaked. Unlike me, you'll probably be sober enough to care....

My stupid face with it on.

I was on my way out to a party with my homies from Boy London, and all the girls in that world look like kindergoth's who haven't eaten for a million years, so I decided to go a little goth for the night. I used Mac Pro Wear Lipliner in More To Love to amp up the pink tones in the purple, and the rest of the make up, if you're interested, is Illamasqua Precision Gel Liner (LASTS FOREVER WITH PRIMER), on top of Nars Smudgeproof Eyeshadow Base, Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Pomade in Chocolate, DJV beautenizer volume mascara, my beloved Freckle Pencil from Topshop in Forever Young, Hourglass Ambient Lighting Blush in Dim Infusion and Make Up Atelier HD Airbrush Foundation.

If you want to dive in to the world of Pretty Zombie Cosmetics, you can get them in the UK from Cute Cosmetics for the pretty reasonable price of £13.50 - HERE

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

REVIEW: Topshop Freckle Pencil - Forever young

Topshop Freckle Pencil in Forever Young

Now, i'm a bit of an odd one, for some reason, I tend to get obsessed with something, and a couple of years later, it becomes a big mainstream fashion. Thus I feel fed up, because i've spent a load of cash trying to find the item and own it, which means I buy about ten different versions that aren't up to the standard I want, and then when it's a high street hitter, I hate it because I realise i'm just so ruddy mainstream. 

So i've been faking freckles for about four years. I decided it was my raison detre, as my natural freckles have been bleached out from all my obsessive skin evening skincare from my late teens (read, borrowing my mates dodgy skin bleach and causing all sorts of awful). So yes, I have been desiring my 90's freckles back, and STAT. 

So I heard that Topshop were on that idea finally, and they have produced this WONDER, the freckle pencil. Now, I hear you cry, that you could just buy a brown kohl and be done with it, but trust me, i've tried, that stuff smears, or it's so hard to get it to make a mark on your face that you end up with massive great dots everywhere. The option i'd taken for the last few years has been using a Gosh Long Lasting Eyebrow Marker to lightly dot, and it's a good option, but not particularly realistic, even if it's lasts. When I heard topshop were releasing this I counted the days. It's ruddy summer, I WANT FRECKLES. 

Topshop Freckle Pencil

So as you can see above, i've given you a line, for colour, and a spattering of freckle like dots, and as you can see how freckle like they are, and hey, they pretty much ARE. Now, here I am, being brave again, showing my face, but I wanted to show how they look on a human face, no matter how MOON FACED I am, it's the effect, not the aesthetics of my genetics y'all....

Me, with freckle

So what you need to remember is pigment in your face caused by sun isn't uniform, so when you do these freckles, you need to be random as you can. The freckle pencil has the genius of being marbled, so it's a mix of two browns, like freckles generally are. The pencil, although long lasting once set, is also really emollient do the lightest touch can give the faintest of freckles. Other tips would be, make sure your base isn't too full coverage, as if it is, you'll end up looking a little pantomime, which isn't the aim, well, i'd assume. 

You can pick this pencil up from Topshop online for a mere £5.00. 

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

REVIEW: Pretty Zombie Cosmetics Liquid Lipstick - Blue Moon

Pretty Zombie Cosmetics Liquid Lipstick in Blue Moon

Pretty Zombie Cosmetics are an independent manufacturer of beautiful products, who have apparently been in existence since 2008. I happened upon them on one of my usual matte liquid lipstick searches, which I do more than I care to admit, so rampant is my obsession, and I found this company, with a fantastically unconventional range of shades to please the most obscure cosmetics lover.

So I searched around like a madwoman and eventually found a uk stockist, in the form of a personal favourite web store Cute Cosmetics, which stocks vegan and cruelty free brands exclusively, which is obviously awesome. I snapped up Blue Moon, and thus, I have my new favourite lipstick....

Packaging. Yay etc!

So what's good about it. Well, it's another completely MATTE as hell lipstick. Properly matte, no pretendy matte, and no wimpy formula. This is full coverage in one swipe, it dries down, and that stuff is NOT leaving without some extreme encouragement and scrubbing. Whether this is good or bad depends on how lacking in patience you have. Frankly i'm willing to deal with it for some a cool shade. It's not perfect, it does crumble reasonably quickly if you eat and drink, BUT, one joy that you don't have with other brands, like Maybelline 24 hour bold matte, or Sleek Matte Me, is you can reapply to the crumbled bits and it looks fine, not lumpy and rubbish. I would suggest you give your lips a good moisturise, and an exfoliate, because this isn't the most forgiving formula, but who cares, YOU HAVE BLUE LIPS MOFO!

Blue Moon Swatched

This is me. Yep, i've finally posted my ugly mug.

Before I get reams of abuse, I know i'm not blessed looks wise so you don't need to tell me i'm ugly. So many bloggers get abuse and they're heroes for dealing with it. I'm not a massive fan of being put down right now but I wanted to show the lipstick as a wearable thing. My hair is all washed out because I had a big allergic reaction to my hair dye and i've put on quite a bit of weight since I went through a bereavement and break up. Again, i'm aware!

If you want to get involved and purchase any of these beautiful shades, they are available at Cute Cosmetics for £13.50

REVIEW: DOVE Purely Pampering Nourishing Body Oil Shea Butter & Warm Vanilla

Dove Purely Pampering Nourishing Body Oil

Like a moth to a really hot scalding lightbulb, the second I see something I don't recognise on the shelves of boots or superdrug, I bound over and decide I cannot live without it for a second longer. Yesterday I came across this and as i've run out of my usual body oil from asda, I decided to give myself a little bit of summer shimmer. I've been slapping on some cheap fake tans of recent, so I have a tiny bit of colour to my skin (trust me, it's truly pathetic compared to everyone else on the streets) so I thought I might look a little better with some sheen, as for some reason, despite all the moisturising I do, my skin is always dry. So. Yes. Lets talk oil etc.

They say....

The light shimmer formula and deliciously long lasting scent gives you an irresistible glow which you’ll be desperate to show off.
Shea butter is rich in essential fatty acids (Linoleic acid) which are known to soothe and nourish the skin, helping it to repair itself.

In addition to this, it contains Sunflower seed oil to improve skin hydration by improving the quality of your skin. The nurturing ingredients mean that your skin receives long lasting care, leaving it looking and feeling beautifully soft.

I say....

I like it! It smells delicious, like a lovely biscuit, and it lives up to it's non greasy claims. Okay, it takes a little while to soak in, it's not a 'dry oil' so don't expect to slap it on and it evaporate in seconds, but its a very small amount of time, and it does give the skin a beautiful golden sheen, without looking like you're doused in baby oil a la Jodie Marsh. Your skin will feel nourished, smell gorgeous, and moisturised and comfortable. There's nothing negative I can say about this particularly. It's reasonably priced, works well and gives you a healthy glow. Lovely!

My glowy oiled arm. Smelling like summer and biscuits.

You can pick this up at Boots for £8.99