Wednesday, 14 January 2015

NEW: Lime Crime Grunge Venus Eye Shadow Palette

The appropriation of the early nineties rolls on....

So doe deer, idol to many, enemy to many too, has launched yet another 90's inspired product, and this time it's a palette that has all those colours that look like the cool shit from an era that you probably didn't live through, so have no idea how irritating it is for us that did.

However, given that I still work in music, and people still are vastly wrong about my age (i'm 36 this year, but still get ID'd to buy alcohol) I do happily rock the looks I was in the early nineties. To prove my credentials, here's a t shirt I regularly wear in bed....

L7 Smell The Magic t shirt I bought in 91, complete with holes

So you can probably see how weird it is for me that my little early nineties world has become big business, Bleach London for example, wholesaling everything, and charging crazy prices whilst they're at it, but you have to applaud them, as my mate who runs a label that I won't name, but was a big name in the 80's and early 90's, that is now seen on virtually every youth in london, "it's not clever, we just did shit at the right time and got fucking rich".

And with that, us people, who actually cared about shit in the 90's, our souls collapse and die, for everything we believed in ultimately, meant nothing. 


So yeah, Lime Crime are bringing out a palette, the colours are fucking amazing and I love it and I want it despite it being vastly overpriced. 

Look. It's here. Look at pictures of it. 

Yep. I want and need all those shades. My look is basically always 'I haven't slept and I am probably unwell in the extreme' on purpose. This will help with that, but perhaps make me look slightly magical too. I hope. 

It's currently out of stock, but keep an eye on Cocktail Cosmetics and you can pick it up for £35. 

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

REVIEW: Jeffree Star Cosmetics Velour Liquid Lips - I'm Royalty - Prom Night - Redrum - Swatches inc


I'll be honest here. I had never heard of Jeffree Star, who is apparently a make up artist, fashion designer, DJ, and singer - songwriter living in Beverly Hills, California, until I saw his new line of matte liquid lipsticks pop up on Love MakeUp. I am obsessive about liquid lipsticks in the extreme, I remember one of my first lipstick purchases was Max Factor Lipfinity in a incredibly 90's browny nude (although I don't recall it being called that in 93) which I would use without applying the gloss, thus it being a total flat matte. When Lime Crime started chucking out the velveteen lips a few years back, I was literally begging them to take my effing money, and subsequently I have purchased every release of this formula format, of any note, in the years since. 

Lime Crime's first foray into the matte lip

I am actually surprised i'd not heard of Jeffree Star, given the circles I operate in, I am often surrounded by many pretenders to the Club Kid throne. For anyone totally unaware of the phenomenon, they were a group of clubbers in the late 80's and early 90's that would take an awful lot of drugs, and dress in an exceedingly theatrical Leigh Bowery-esque manner and go to clubs and draw a lot of attention. This was documented in the admittedly quite dreadful film starring Macaulay Culkin, Party Monster, which although is basically about a load of rather awful human beings, one of them eventually turning out to be a murderer, a lot of young clubbers have tried to emulate the scene, and a lot of them that I know get paid just to turn up to VIP clubs to drink free drinks all night, to make places that, due to my job, shall remain nameless, look edgy and cool as opposed filled with rich businessmen, members of Made In Chelsea and girls in bodycon dresses and heels. I know this because although I don't subscribe to this lifestyle, I do like having free drinks with my friends and free entry when i'm bored of an evening. They never want photographs of me as compared to them i'm seen as a big fatso, so, all is well ultimately!

I've gone off the subject. I apologise. Also, I would like to point out that I ONLY like the free drinks, it's just some of my long term friends live in this silly world despite them being very different when I got to know them.  Fashion is an odd world and one i'm glad I don't work in.

Chloe Seveigny and Culkin in Party Monster

Anyway, onto the ACTUAL PRODUCTS. Essentially these are three liquid matte lipsticks, all with a blue leaning base so they are flattering to your teeth, which is something I need, as my teeth are horrid and yellow due to a childhood dose of antibiotics that were later removed from the market due to turning teeth very yellow, a 13 year smoking habit, and a subsequent obsession with tea and pepsi. I imagine you're getting the picture that i'm not the poster girl for healthy living. For that I apologise. 

Pretty pink packaging

They are housed in pleasingly lurid hot pink boxes, which do feel appropriately Beverly Hills in creation. 

Prom Night, Redrum, I'm Royalty

Redrum, Prom Night, I'm Royalty

The colours are housed in chunky, solid containers, which err on the side of cute as opposed to tacky. They are about the size of a normal lipstick, which makes them very convenient to pop in your pocket for a night out for top ups. The colours are bright, brash and bold, and are said to be universally flattering, but I would question this, as two of the three colours aren't particularly flattering on my very pale, pink leaning skintone. My favourite is the lilac colour I'm Royalty, which is absolutely beautiful. 

Red Rum, Prom Night, I'm Royalty - Just swatched

Redrum, Prom Night, I'm Royalty dried down (approx 10 mins)

So what does Jeffree have to say about his lipsticks....

Our liquid lipstick goes on opaque, dries completely matte and stays on for hours! This product is 100% vegan & cruelty-free! (tips before use: exfoliate then apply to bare lips! avoid food with oil... and no making out, kisses are ok!) 

And what do I say....

Being an aficionado of all the liquid lipsticks in the land, I would say that I am in a reasonably good position to give an opinion. It's refreshingly honest of Jeffree Star to point out that in fact, these, like so many, if not ALL long wear lipsticks, are not 'make out' proof.  This lipstick will last for about four hours, but you will see signs of wear on the inside of your lips, and more so if you drink any lovely drinks, which when wearing these lips, you probably will be as they are made for parties. 

The texture is intriguing, and like nothing i've experienced before with a liquid lipstick. The nearest I could liken it to would be the Lime Crime Velveteens, but it's got a much more stable substantial feel to the formula, thus making it easier to apply than the velveteens I would say. I would say it feels almost....oily at first, and its dry down time is rather long, but once it's set the finish is beautiful, so worth the wait. 

Of course at the end of the night, it's a bugger to get off, but what do we expect! It's made to last, we can't have everything. It doesn't stain, just clings. That's good enough for me! 

If you would like to try these, they are currently on sale in a bargain bundle via Love Make Up for £35 HERE or individually for £13 HERE.

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

REVIEW: Sarah Chapman Ultimate Cleanse

Sarah Chapman Ultimate Cleanse

I could never, ever, for one second, claim that I am not a victim of hype. You could tell me anything is the new ultimate product, whilst showing me a picture of a pretty girl with perfect everything, and I shall buy into it. I don't even need convincing. If anything, i'll be chucking my scant funds at you whilst apologising for taking up your precious time. I am a dream consumer. Happy to spend themselves into epic debt to attain the unattainable dream, whilst constantly berating myself for my weight and looks, but choosing to buy new products as opposed to get up off my lazy lazy behind, or say no to that third piece of cake. 

But enough about me. Lets talk about Sarah and her cleanse.

I'll admit I only heard about Sarah Chapman during a particularly hellish festival weekend that I was dj'ing, and the only shining light that came out of it was that the person I went with was using Sarah Chapman skin products, and i'd forgotten my cleanser, so I was allowed to borrow a pump of this, and I was immediately obsessed. I have used a million different lovely cleansers, high end, low end etc etc, and so it takes a lot for me to feel the need to spend a lot after discovering Soap and Glory Peaches and Clean for under a tenner, that takes my eye and facial make up off in seconds, plus exfoliates. 

So after much deliberation, and searching on e bay, I parted with £30 for the old style packaging. 

Sarah Chapman Ultimate Cleanse old style packaging

So what does Sarah say about this....

This intelligent aromatic infusion melts into pores, transforming into a milk for swift removal leaving clean, fresh, glowing skin. A delicious soufflĂ© balm that works deep into the pores to combat daily grime, lift out impurities and remove make-up, even waterproof mascara. Soothing omega-rich baobab and borage oils are blended with a powerful dose of antioxidant vitamins A and E, precious white lily and Dermaxyl™ peptide to boost collagen production. This potent combination of anti-ageing actives gently exfoliates to help prevent pore clogging and deeply cleanses, softens, and brightens.

What do I say....

Well, hmm, my immediate reaction is to say that I love it, but it's not all perfection. On one hand, it leaves you with a glowing, soft, clean and healthy feeling face, all comfy and fragrant. It feels luxurious as you massage it on, and you feel like you're getting a nice deep cleanse. What I don't feel quite so enthused about is the fact that it doesn't remove my eye make up, so I have had to resort to cleansing my eyes three times in a row with this to get the mascara off. I don't even use waterproof, just regular L'oreal Manga Punky Eyes, yet still, it doesn't remove it at all, not with the special fancy mit, or extra special massaging. When I get in from a long night, and i'm drunk, and beyond knackered, all I want is to have a clean sparkly face and to go straight to sleep. This would make that process rather annoying. However, the actual skin benefits, which lets face it, are what we cleanse for, are fabulous, and I wake with a non greasy, brighter complexion.

So in conclusion, I do recommend this, but for times when you have, well, time. Despite all my endless product buying I cannot be bothered for the process involved with the whole rigmarole of the entire range, it seems a little bit much from what I have witnessed, endless rubbing and massaging and above all, A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF CASH. 

If you do want to get involved with Sarah, and her beautiful, if pricey products, you can buy from Space NK or direct from her website HERE for £40.

REVIEW: LUSH Emotional Brilliance Lipstick in Decisive - Swatch included

LUSH Emotional Brilliance Lips in Decisive

I love lipstick. I love it. It took me many years to come to terms with it. I wore it in the very early nineties, Rimmel's Black Cherry was my go to, or...actually, it was my ONLY, which I paired with green colour correcting powder instead of foundation, and mascara, and somehow I looked okay. This is an actual photograph, taken in my nan and gramp's flat. I remember I had spent all day watching the video to Lush - Hypocrite (see below) and decided I wanted to be Mikki Berenyi, so I went to the Superdrug next door, purchased the aforementioned lipstick and powder, and went to work on my face. Two hours later my gramps came home and yelled loudly that I looked like a tiny hooker.

Great days. 

Lush - Hypocrite video

Anyway, back to the lippie. My obsession with lipstick started again in the mid 2000's and I haven't looked back since. My biggest lust is deep pinks and pinky reds, and having never been an aficionado on Lush the brand, as all I knew was every time I walked by one, I was met with headache inducing smells and confusing levels of messy looking bath bombs, which, again, if you were a teenager in the nineties, you probably got sick of too, because its all your stupid friends got you as presents, when all I wanted was music and films. Bloody women (of which, I know, I am one).

So yeah, Waterloo rail station has a new Lush, so I went in, and felt like I had to own something from there to celebrate the fact that I knew eff all about them, and I had ten minutes till my next train. I swatched Decisive and I was SOLD, as it was opaque, matte and beautiful in every way. 

Lush - Decisive, having a little sleep

Decisive, swatched, on my arm

So, here's the first fact about this stuff. You will get opaque coverage in one swipe, no messing. The formula is super duper extra matte. You don't need any dry down time to see what this formula will look like, you will see the results straight away and if you love a pop of strong colour, you will LOVE THIS. Add to this that you get lip conditioning ingredients of jojoba oil, rose wax and candellila wax in this formula, you really cannot go wrong. 

My ugly mug with Decisive on.

So, I have paired this with lipliner, namely Sleek - Dragonfruit which is my longwear, waterproof go to every time I wear a pink lip. and this photo was taken at 1.00am. I had applied the lipstick at 8.00pm, and had wine and three vodkas by this point, and look, NOT ONE BIT OF WEAR. Now, this is pretty amazing, but I will warn you that I by 6.00am, things were looking a little less appealing, but I was very....very drunk, so I cannot vouch for why I looked like such a mess. 

In conclusion, this is a fantastic lipstick, which wears forever, is pretty indestructible and if i'm honest, I cannot find any fault with it at all. BOOM!

If you want to get involved, you can purchase this directly from Lush online - HERE - for £14.50.


Monday, 15 December 2014


Dear readers, of which, amazingly, despite my massive absence, there seem to still be many, which leaves me flattered and grateful.

I've had a bad couple of months, which have involved burying best friends, poorly relatives and being unwell myself, as well as work, i've been a hot mess, literally, minus the hot.

I have however got reviews pulsating in my brain waiting to burst out like a fountain of judgemental diamonds. Probably.


Monday, 20 October 2014

PERSONAL HOLY GRAIL PRODUCTS: Christian Dior DiorShow Maximizer Lash Plumping Serum


Due to being such a crazy obsessive product addict, there are few things that I use up, and even less that I repurchase, so if I actually do get to the point that I use something up before its sell by date, or before, it's a big day in this household, and i'll sit down and eat a chocolate mousse to celebrate. 


This product, the Diorshow lash plumping serum, is something that I have bought nearly a dozen times since it appeared on the market. As a teenager I was always desperate for lovely lashes like my friends seemed to be naturally blessed with, and improvised with clear mascara and powdering lashes, which, although slightly helpful, didn't really cut it, and once the grunge era was over, my cloggy lashes just looked a bit shit. Sad times. Anyway, I first started using lash primer when I got a free sample of a Lancome Cils Booster and fell in love with the results, which were, predictably, boosted lashes. However, this girl wanted to go bigger and better. Size DOES matter, WHO KNEW! So I decided, when purchasing my then favourite Diorshow Blackout mascara, which really is quite something when it comes to defining lashes as blacker than night, I decided to be 'upsold' the primer too, and my GAWD I was glad I did.

From the first moment I was in lust with this white shiny guy. I layer two coats of this thick white gloop on, which not only is filled with small fibers to plump my spindly pathetic lashes up, but also conditions, and apparently contains an ingredient called LashMaximiser (tm), heh, which is frankly a ridiculously bland name to make up frankly, and trust old hyaluronic acid, to moisturise and prevent breakage and brittle falling lashes.

My lashes have definitely got better over the years of using this, although they're not longer, but they are stronger, and the effects of two coats of this, left to dry, before applying whatever my current mascara favourite of the month is, results in pretty spectacular lashes in comparison to my normal pathetic smattering of stubby eye hairs. 

So, I heartily recommend if you're without natural lashes, and cannot be arsed to apply serums morning and night that might turn your eyeballs yellow, go and purchase this rather pricey, but super worth it primer.

It's fantastique! 

You can pick this up from Boots, Debenhams, House of Fraser and John Lewis for approximately £24.50

Sunday, 14 September 2014

REVIEW: Hourglass Veil Mineral Primer

Hourglass Veil Mineral Primer

As a girl with long wear foundation needs, very oily skin, and uneven skintone, who doesn't enjoy the idea of wearing super matte foundations, I was an early adopter of the use of primers. I see many people going on about how unnecessary they are, and I cannot speak for other people, but without a primer, my make up swims around my face within a couple of hours, powder or no powder. Therefore i've tried and tested A LOT of primers over the past 15 or so years. When this product was brought to market a few years ago, with it's ridiculously high price tag, I was obsessed with owning it, and one day, whilst feeling fruity and wanting to reassure that ladies in Liberty that despite my scruffy appearance, I did actually deserve to be in there and I COULD afford stuff (read: I couldn't afford stuff, but like to look like I can, DAMN THEIR PRETTY GLOWING FACES) so I bought this, and my god I am glad I ruddy did.

They say this.....

A mineral-based, water-resistant primer with SPF 15 that creates an impossibly smooth canvas and seamless look.
Veil eliminates redness, minimizes pore size, softens fine lines and creates a uniform canvas for a flawless makeup application. This clean, satin-finish formula helps keep makeup looking fresh and prevents fading, while SPF 15 shields the skin from the sun.

I say this.... 

They tell no lies, every single word of that blurb is absolutely true. The texture of this white potion is extremely light, and it soaks into your skin immediately, shrinking your pores right down, taking down redness, evening tone and leaving you with a smooth base with plenty of slip to apply make up over. The most ingenius thing is the fact that not only is it water resistant, but it also makes whatever product you place on top water resistant too, which is great for hot weather or gigs or clubbing etc. I cannot say enough good about it, especially it's oil control. The downside, inevitably, is the price. At £52 per bottle, it's not a purchase you can lightly step into, and due to this, I only wear this for gigs I play, or long days at festivals or going somewhere special, otherwise the thought of the amount i'd have to spend to keep replacing this is panic inducing.

I highly HIGHLY recommend you pick this up, and if you're scared of the outlay, there is a mini 20ml version available at a more accessible price of £20.

Holy grail y'all.

If you want to purchase this you can get the mini version here from Liberty london, and the standard size here from Space NK for £52.

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

PERSONAL POST: Being a girl....

I am a rubbish girl. I know i'm not the only one, because I have awesome friends who are also rubbish girls, but if i'm honest, when i'm around women, I always feel inadequate in the extreme. I had a rather tumultuous upbringing, where stuff such as learning about shaving, eyebrows, boobs and periods weren't particularly on the agenda, I was lucky if I had a bed to sleep in, so I had to wing it as far as learning how to be a lady goes....

So these are things i've currently never ever done

  • Waxed anything - Seriously, nothing, ever, I have seen it on tv and it looks painful though.
  • Had a manicure  - When my nails get too long I just rip them off, rank I know.
  • Had a pedicure - Surely life is too short and money too sparse to waste on that...
  • My bikini line - it doesn't poke out my tiniest of pants, and I can't swim so, I don't bother.
  • Spray Tan - I have tried cheap gradual tans. I'm crap at them. Crap. 
  • Sunbed - When vanity carries a danger of skin cancer, you really need to sort your shit out.
  • Massage - I did have one once for free. I felt too awkward to relax because I was worried for the poor person having to touch a person they didn't know for money. Yes I have issues. 
  • Facial - I had one once, again, I felt guilty of the time being spent on me, and it gave me tons of spots.
  • Used tampons - I know! I used one once and passed out, at 13, so never touched them again.
  • Matching underwear - I have never bought a set, and only recently did I buy a vaguely fancy bra. Some of my knickers i've had since 96 at least. I just don't have that part to me that feels that I have to wear fancy pants, makes me feel like a beef joint wrapped in string. 

So there's my list. That is how crap I am. I can't be alone surely. My mates tell me tales of unshaved legs, hairs on boobs they don't bother getting rid of, farting during it's not just me that is crap at being a woman, but....I look out, wide eyed and scared at the world, and I feel like an alien against all other women.

I hope it's not just me.....there must be others! 


I am a massive sucker for a clever marketing campaign, and when I heard that YSL were releasing a lightweight, yet high coverage foundation, that had the lasting power of Estee Lauder Doublewear, yet the lightness of Giorgio Armani Maestro foundation, and that there was some mythical crazy waiting list for this stuff, I was obsessed. Like I always am. First up, let me say, whatever waiting list the marketing guys talked about, there was zero wait for this in my part of london. I actually got it early, and no one else had bought it, or was on any sort of list. As Public Enemy say, don't believe the hype. Not calling YSL liars of course, but there's some damn creative marketing talk at work here!

YSL Fusion Ink Foundation - BR20

So what else do they say about this foundation that makes it such a jizz-worthy marketing talk dreamboat....

What it is:
A revolutionary, fine-as-ink foundation with broad spectrum SPF 18 that perfects the skin while it wears weightlessly for 24 hours. 

What it does:
Get all-day comfort, broad spectrum sun protection, and a soft-matte finish with this featherweight foundation that suits every skin type. Its innovative hybrid stain technology provides a lightweight yet high-coverage formula, and its exclusive extendable polymers offer buildable coverage that lasts for a flawless finish. 

Special sweat and sebum-controlling agents allow for 24-hour of coverage—even through humidity or heat, and its sensorial and volatile dry oil complex allows it to set in seconds. Formulated with pure-micro-coated pigments, it delivers lasting, radiant color, and the face-zoning applicator allows you to perfectly apply it to the face for precise, easy-to-use application that’s never cakey or heavy.

So what do I say....'s the thing. When I was testing this, I had one other foundation in mind, in regards to the claims made by this foundation, and that was Estee Lauder Doublewear. The reason is, Doublewear is used by thousands of women as their holy grail. Personally I dislike it hugely, as the finish is somewhere close to corpse paint, totally flat, lacking in dimension, and just....unreal. Saying that, it's a fantastic formula, as this foundation has taken me through dj gigs and sweaty concerts and festivals from morning till night, and it sticks like glue and you can rely on it like no other foundation that claims to be lasting. Swings and to speak.

So does YSL Fusion Ink match up longevity wise. No, it doesn't, it will rub off, there will be elements of wear that become apparent as your day goes on, because ultimately, the two foundations are hugely different beasts.

Fusion Ink is a lovely foundation, but it's not a substitute for the major coverage and longevity of Doublewear, so don't expect the same. It is a very thin formula, and it dries in seconds, but provides a very decent level of coverage in one layer. If you need more coverage in places, just dab the wand over those areas and work the foundation in using a buffing brush in circular motions. I have tried with and without primer and I would say, if you are oily like me, you do need to use primer, because it keeps off the shine that does eventually break through, and will, if you rub your nose or blow it, transfer and wear off. However, if you get caught in a shower or sweat, and don't rub your face, this stuff stays put quite wonderfully, and unlike doublewear, you have a velvety matte finish that has an ethereal glow, blurs imperfections quite successfully and does last, even if you might need a little touch up with powder towards the end of the day.

So, it's good, it's great, but it's not perfect and it's not infallible, but what it does bring is a very decent coverage, a light as air feel, and a beautiful matte finish that lasts longer than your average matte foundation. I recommend you take advantage of their seven day free trial to see whether you like it or not, given that it's an expensive item at £30, you want to know you're not just doing what I do, which is get blinded by the flashing lights of 'NEW ITEM!!! BEST THING EVER!!! YOU WILL LOOK LIKE CARA IN MINUTES!!!' then go home and cry yourself to sleep because you can't pay your rent.

This does happen. Every month. I rule.

YSL Fusion Ink Foundation - BR 20 - Swatch and blended

So there it is on my arm. Yes the photos is blurry and crappy, but you don't come here for my obsessive efforts at being the worlds best blogger i'd wager. I like to think of myself as the John Bender of the blogging world, as in, I pretend I don't care, but I obviously do, but that still doesn't mean I give a toss enough to buy a camera. 

The Breakfast Club - Bender = AMAZE

You will notice in the swatch, btw, that BR20, which is the palest of all the Beige Rose shades, is a bit dark. I tried B10, and looked alarmingly yellow, whereas Beige Rose, is less yellow, but leans A LOT more yellow than my YSL Teint Touch Eclat foundation, which is a perfect match, but crap on my skin. Honestly, total crap, I look like i've been rubbing sunflower oil on my face. Nil points! This though, it does a pretty great job, and although it won't fix a broken heart, it goes some way to making you look less you've been crying all night....


If you'd like to be part of the YSL Fusion Ink party, you can pick it up direct from YSL here , or House of Fraser, Boots or Debenhams for £30.50.