Wednesday 3 September 2014

PERSONAL POST: Being a girl....

I am a rubbish girl. I know i'm not the only one, because I have awesome friends who are also rubbish girls, but if i'm honest, when i'm around women, I always feel inadequate in the extreme. I had a rather tumultuous upbringing, where stuff such as learning about shaving, eyebrows, boobs and periods weren't particularly on the agenda, I was lucky if I had a bed to sleep in, so I had to wing it as far as learning how to be a lady goes....

So these are things i've currently never ever done


  • Waxed anything - Seriously, nothing, ever, I have seen it on tv and it looks painful though.
  • Had a manicure  - When my nails get too long I just rip them off, rank I know.
  • Had a pedicure - Surely life is too short and money too sparse to waste on that...
  • My bikini line - it doesn't poke out my tiniest of pants, and I can't swim so, I don't bother.
  • Spray Tan - I have tried cheap gradual tans. I'm crap at them. Crap. 
  • Sunbed - When vanity carries a danger of skin cancer, you really need to sort your shit out.
  • Massage - I did have one once for free. I felt too awkward to relax because I was worried for the poor person having to touch a person they didn't know for money. Yes I have issues. 
  • Facial - I had one once, again, I felt guilty of the time being spent on me, and it gave me tons of spots.
  • Used tampons - I know! I used one once and passed out, at 13, so never touched them again.
  • Matching underwear - I have never bought a set, and only recently did I buy a vaguely fancy bra. Some of my knickers i've had since 96 at least. I just don't have that part to me that feels that I have to wear fancy pants, makes me feel like a beef joint wrapped in string. 

So there's my list. That is how crap I am. I can't be alone surely. My mates tell me tales of unshaved legs, hairs on boobs they don't bother getting rid of, farting during sex.....so it's not just me that is crap at being a woman, but....I look out, wide eyed and scared at the world, and I feel like an alien against all other women.

I hope it's not just me.....there must be others! 


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